at the gates...
To je to, ljudi moji. Mislin da ni ne triban govorit da nema nista vise od ovog bloga. Mislila san da ce bit nesto od njega, a jbg. Sta je, tu je. Bilo je lipo.
Ne daj uvelo bilje da snivam
Ne daj tuzan san da me budi
Samo se stisni uz mene
Ljubeci ubij me
I bit ce
OK.
Vega -''Udvoje protiv svijeta''
Bokić.
pauza
evo ka sta se vidi iz naslova ovaj blog uzima malu pauzu.nije me volja vise pisat, al i dalje cu komentirat.od ovog bloga jos ne odustajen,samo san na pauzi.ajde zivili!
the nju post
Samo zivi,samo budi
Svi odgovori doci ce sami
Samo stoj na svjetlu
I doci ce kraj tami
Zivot je super. Bice mislite sad da san dobila na loto, da san posla s nekin likon ili nesto slicno. Ali ne. Ne prican ovo s neki povodon.opcenito mislin da je zivot super i toliko me malih stvari veseli.
Isto tako ne razumin i ljude koji se rizu, ubijaju i statigajaznan cine.cudno je kako nas male stvari ne vesele, ali nas u isto vrime i najmanja glupost baca u depresiju. Ne kazen sad da ja nikad ne zapadnen u depresiju, al ne vidin razloga da sad od muhe radin slona. Proc ce to. doc ce bolja vrimena. Zasto se ubit i zakinit sebe za cili zivot i za sve lipo sta se ima za dogodit.zasto se za to sve zakinit samo zato sta te neko nije pogleda, mater ti ne da izac do neke ure(kako kome),nista ti se posebno ne dogadja u zivotu. Jebate da se ja svaki put uvatin rizat jer npr.ne mogu izac do neke ure( mislin da bi vecina ljudi uprla prston u mene i smijala se kad bi ja sad rekla dok kad smin bit vani).ali meni je dobro. Iman dobru ekipu i zabavit cu se izasla s njima u 2 ujutro ili u 2 popodne. Ne trazin previse. To je cila bit. Jedna od najboljih stvari koje su mi se zadnjih dana dogodile bilo je kad san se nekidan skupa s familijon vozila u autu, vani kisetina i zasvirala mi jedna pisma od daleke koju obozavan.to je sitnica.kome bi takva neka glupost bila dozivljaj?nikome. meni je. Vani nevrime a ti zasticen u autu s ljudima s kojima si odkad znas za sebe, pricate,sprdate i u pozadini muzika koja ti nesto znaci.sritna san i samo zbog cinjenice da iman normalnu familiju.isto tako iman par prijateljica i prijatelja koji mi isto previse znace.kad san s njima mogu radit sta god ocu.ne triban se pravit il tako nesto. Mogu srat gluposti koliko me volja , pivat operu(nightwish) a da mi se (previse)ne smiju,napit se pa srat jos vise gluposti
Valjda je problem kod ljudi sta traze od zivota nesto nestvarno i nadnaravno, i u isto vrime zanemaruju stvari bez kojih bi bili niko i nista.i na kraju su razocarani kad svate da ti nista u ovoj nasoj maloj zaostaloj drzavici ne mos prominit.znate onu- if you can't beat them, join them.
Triba trazit malo i sve ces dobit.al nije najveci gust doc na kraju dana mrtav umoran doma, zalec na kauc i nabit slusalice na usi i slusat svoju muziku?
Ma zivot je ludilo, samo ga triba znat zivit......
foto session
evo nekidan u skoli bilo dosadno pa se ja i kate uvatile slikavat po razredu.evo nekih odabranih slikica
jedna s katon koja se debilira
evo ovo je meni jedna od drazih.ispale smo pomalo...........evil.mozda i ne. al nema veze
ova slika je malo emo.al nekako je morbidna.da bar iman photoshop-ova bi slika bila prejebena.
evo kad san ja objavila svoju emo sliku, evo i katina verzija.
ovo se kate ka ono pravi da ne zeli da je slika. c-c-c.kate sta si prozirna
no comment
evo jedna mislilacka
morate priznat da ode izgledan ka vilenjak.ovu sliku zoven legolas
ova slika je definitivno moj favorit.sta je, je......
i to ti ga je to.aj komntirajte
jedno pitanje za vas
uocila san da 80% posto blogova imaju metalci, rokeri, punkeri i sl.
pa ne mogu skuzit zasto.jel ne mozemo normalono komunicirat s drugim ljudima pa to cinimo priko weba ili smo samo bolje informaticki obrazovaniji i vise openminded za nove oblike komunikacije. ili nesto trece?
eto pa pitan vas da priko komentara recete svoje misljenje.bas me zanima..................
Evo ovako............
Dakle, malo san zapostavila blog jerbo san bila 4 dana u istri.na lidranu.znan, znan- il mislite da je to luzerski il nemate pojma koji je to k....... al mogu rec da mi je bilo bolje od ekskurzije. Upoznala tonu ljudi (pozz ellis,kovi,mijicu,runji,matei,matei,nikolini,jeleni,antoniji................i jos puno).debilirala se po sobama, posla ca lec ujutro u zoru ili uopce ne isla lec,zajebancija............
Sta da kazen vise..........ne znan. Aj evo van nesto o meni necem vrlo zanimljivon.znan da je na engleskon, ali vridi procitat:
SUCCUBUS
In Western medieval legend, a succubus (plural succubi) is a demon who takes the form of a beautiful human female to seduce men (especially monks) in dreams to have sexual intercourse. They draw energy from the men to sustain themselves, often until the point of exhaustion or death of the victim. From mythology and fantasy, Lilith and the Lilin (Jewish), Lilitu (Sumerian) and Rusalka (Slavic) are, in redactive Christian fables (folktales not part of official Christian theology), considered succubi.
According to the Malleus Maleficarum, or "Witches' Hammer", succubi would collect semen from the men they slept with, which incubi would then use to impregnate women. Children so begotten were supposed to be more susceptible to the influence of demons.
In some beliefs the succubi would morph into the Incubus with its newly collected semen ready to impregnate their victims. This was to account for the fact that demons could not reproduce naturally, however the incubus could impregnate women.
From the 16th century, the carving of a succubus on the outside of an inn indicated that the establishment also operated as a brothel.
The word comes from an alteration of the Late Latin succuba meaning "strumpet". The word itself is derived from the Latin prefix "sub-" which means "below, underneath", and the verb "cubo" which means "I lie". So a succubus is someone who lies under another person. Whereas an incubus (latin "in-" stand in this case for "on top") is someone who lies on top of another person.[1]
Mare was also a term for the sighing, suffocative panting, or an intercepted utterance, with a sense of pressure across the chest, which occurs during sleep. These symptoms were also thought to be an incubus (or succubus), an evil preternatural being, causing nightmares and/or nocturnal emissions. This phenomenon is now thought to be an experience of sleep paralysis.
Appearance
The appearance of succubi varies just about as much as that of demons in general; there is no single definitive depiction. However, they are almost universally depicted as alluring women with unearthly beauty, often with demonic batlike wings; occasionally, they will be given other demonic features (horns, a tail with a spaded tip, snakelike eyes, hooves, fangs, etc). Occasionally they appear simply as an attractive woman in dreams that the victim cannot seem to get off their mind. They lure males and in some cases, the male has seemed to fall "in love" with her. Even out of the dream she will not leave his mind. She will remain there slowly draining energy from him.
Middle Eastern belief
A Middle Eastern version of the succubus known as "um al duwayce" (#LE 'D/HJ3) portrays this succubus as a beautiful, alluringly scented woman who wanders the desert on the hooves of a donkey. While other forms of the succubus participate in sexual intercourse to collect semen and become impregnated, this particular succubus is instead a judge of character and exacts revenge on those who commit adultery. She attempts to lure these men to have intercourse with her, at which time sharp razors within her vagina slice the partner's penis, leaving him in agonizing pain. Having rendered the man helpless, she turns into her true form and kills him; some believe that she eats him alive.
In modern times
Experiences of apparent supernatural visitations at night can sometimes occur as effects of hypnagogia. To this day, nocturnal emissions and other sexual occurrences or mysteries are, in some cultures and circles, blamed on a demon of sin such as a succubus.
satyricon
CURRENT SATYRICON MEMBERS
Satyr
Real name: Sigurd Wongraven
Born: 28 November 1975
Position in band: Vocals, Lead and Rhythm Guitars, Bass, Keyboards
Other projects: Darkthrone, Eibon, Storm, Thorns, Wongraven
Information: Joined Satyricon soon after it had changed its name from original bandname Eczema.
Frost
Real name: Kjetil Vidar Haraldstad
Born: 28 June 1973
Position in band: Drums and Percussions
Other projects: Gorgoroth, Zyklon-B, 1349, Gehenna, Keep Of Kalessin
Information: Frost was a session member on "The Forest Is My Throne" demo, but later joined Satyricon full-time.
CURRENT SATYRICON SESSION MEMBERS A.O. Grřnbech (also known as: Obsidian C.)
Real name: Arnt Grřnbech
Born: 1978
Position in band: Rhythm Guitar
Other projects: Bloodthorn, IX, Keep Of Kalessin
Information: Joined Satyricon 21 June 2002 during the summer live shows.
Lars K. Norberg
Position in band: Bass
Other projects: Spiral Architecht, Anesthesia
Information: Joined Satyricon in 2002 during the summer live shows.
Steinar "Azarak" Gundersen
Position in band: Lead Guitar
Other projects: Spiral Architecht, Lunaris, King's Quest, Decode
Information: Has been playing during Satyricon live shows since "Rebel Extravaganza" Tour 1999
Jonna Nikula
Position in band: Keyboards
Information: Joined the band in 2003 during Satyricon European Tour.
PREVIOUS SATYRICON MEMBERS
Kveldulv (also known as: Nocturno Culto, Nocturnal Cult)
Real name: Ted Skjellum
Born: 1972
Position in band: Guitars
Other projects: Darkthrone
Information: Played guitars on "Nemesis Divina" album, performed several live shows with Satyricon after that.
Samoth (also known as: Zamoth)
Real name: Thomas Thormodsćther Haugen
Position in band: Bass, Guitars
Other projects: Arcturus, Burzum, Emperor, Gorgoroth, Hagalaz' Runedance, Ildjarn, Sirius, Thou Shalt Suffer, Ulver, Zyklon, Zyklon-B
Information: Played bass and guitars on "The Shadowthrone" album.
Exhurtum (also known as: Aggressor, Czral, Cato Czral Pedersen)
Real name: Carl-Michael Eide
Born: 24 July 1974
Position in band: Drums
Other projects: Aphrodisiac, Aura Noir, Cadaver Inc., Darkthrone, Dřdheimsgard, Dimmu Borgir, Inferno, Ulver, Ved Buens Ende, Virus, White Willow
Information: Formed the band in 1990, under the bandname of Eczema (later changed to Satyricon) together with Wargod. Czral called himself Exhurtum when he played with Eczema/Satyricon. Fired after the first demo, becase he didn't look Black Metal enough, and didn't hang with the band, according to Czral.
Wargod
Real name: Vegard
Position in band: Bass
Information: Formed Eczema (later changed to Satyricon) together with Exhurtum. He continued to play with the band through the name-change to Satyricon, and quit the band after the debut demo. He left the scene after that. He never played with any bands after Satyricon.
Lemarchand (also known as: Haavard)
Real name: Hĺvard Jřrgensen
Position in band: Guitars
Other projects: Ulver
Information: Joined Eczema (later changed to Satyricon) shortly after the band had been formed in 1990, used an alias Lemarchand then. He played on both Satyricon demos, and was then fired from the band. He was credited for his work on "The Forest Is My Throne" demo cassette, but for some reason they decided not to mention him on the CD-rerelease (the split with Enslaved). Lemarchand played all guitars on the debut demo (as a member), and guitars (electric and accoustic) and bass on the second (as a session member). Frost was a session member on "The Forest Is My Throne" demo, but he later joined full-time. Satyr did vocals only on the debut demo, but on the second he did all the vocals, as well as accoustic guitar on one song (track 1). After Lemarchand was fired, Satyr started to do all guitar and vocals himself.
PREVIOUS SATYRICON SESSION MEMBERS
Joey Jordison
Position in band: Drums
Other projects: SlipKnot, Murderdolls
Information: Played with Satyricon during the Return Of The Antichrist Tour 2004, because Frost couldn't get visa.
Trym Torson
Real name: Kai Johnny Mosaker
Position in band: Drums
Other projects: Ceremony, Emperor, Enslaved, Imperium, Obnoxious, Shadow Season, Tartaros, Old Man's Child
Information: Played session drums during Satyricon U.S.A. Tour 2004.
Ivar Peersen (also known as: D. Ymer, Daimonion P., h. m. Daimonion)
Real name: Ivar Bjřrnson
Born: 1978
Position in band: Keyboards
Other projects: Bloodflowers, Borknagar, Crocodiles, Desekrator, Enslaved, Gorgoroth, Mysticum, Obnoxious, Phobia, Vulcana
Information: Played session keyboards during Satyricon live shows in 2003
Anja Garbarek
Position in band: Vocals
Information: Did some vocals on "Ten Horns - Ten Diadems" exclusive track "Serpent's Rise" and "Volcano" album
Bratland (also known as: Brat)
Real name: Geir Bratland
Position in band: Synths
Other projects: Apoptygma Berzerk, The Kovenant
Information: Played synths on "Nemesis Divina" and "Rebel Extravaganza" albums.
Cyrus
Real name: Terje Andersen
Born: 12 May 1975
Position in band: Guitars
Other projects: Old Man's Child, Crownfall, Susperia, Sensa Anima
Information: Played session guitars on Satyricon live shows.
Death (Dřd)
Real name: Daniel Olaissen
Born: 13 October 1977
Position in band: Guitars
Other projects: Blood Red Throne, Scariot, Cobolt 60, Depths Of Catharsis
Information: Was a session member in Satyricon for almost 3 years (1996-1999), done riff contribution on "Havoc Vulture" and "Tied In Bronze Chains" ("Rebel Extravaganza" album).
Fenriz (also known as: Hank Amarillo, Lee Bress, Gribb)
Real name: Gylve Nagell
Born: 1971
Position in band: Bass, Percussion
Other projects: Aura Noir, Cadaver Inc., Darkthrone, DJ Ebola, Dřdheimsgard, Eibon, Isengard, Neptune Towers, Seth, Strid, Storm, Thorns, Ulver, Valhall, Vombator
Information: Wrote some lyrics for "Nemesis Divina" album, was a session bass player, performed percussion on "Rebel Extravaganza" album.
Grothesk
Real name: Stephan Groth
Position in band: Synths and Programming
Other projects: Apoptygma Berzerk
Information: Played synths and performed programming on "Megiddo - Mother North In The Dawn Of A New Age" EP.
Ihsahn
Real name: Vegard Sverre Tveitan
Born: 1975
Position in band: Synths
Other prohects: Arcturus, Darkthrone, Emperor, Thou Shalt Suffer, Wongraven, Ildjarn, Peccatum, Zyklon-B, Ulver
Information: Played session synths.
Ingar Amlien
Born: 08 September 1963
Position in band: Bass
Other projects: 018, Conception, Crest Of Darkness, Dark Side, One 2 Many, Roquefire
Information: Played bass on "Intermezzo II" EP ("A Moment Of Clarity" and "INRI")
Kine Hult
Position in band: Keyboards
Other projects: Gehenna, The Kovenant
Information: Played keyboards during Satyricon live shows.
Nebelhexë (also known as: Nebel)
Real name: Andrea Haugen
Position in band: Vocals
Other projects: Aghast, Cradle Of Filth, Hagalaz' Runedance/Nebelhexë, Nacht
Information: Performed spoken part on "The Dawn Of A New Age" ("Nemesis Divina").
Neddo
Real name: Anders Odden
Position in band: Guitars
Other projects: Apoptygma Berzerk, Asmodeus, Balvaz, Baphomet, Cadaver Inc., Ebola, Germ, Go-Go Gorilla, Hydr Hydr, Jetmotor #1, Magenta, Mayhem, Sarcophag, The Young Godz
Information: Played guitars on "Megiddo - Mother North In The Dawn Of A New Age" EP, rhythm guitar and guitar solo on "Tied In Bronze Chains", rhythm guitar on "Prime Evil Renaissance" and "Supersonic Journey" ("Rebel Extravaganza" 1999).
Daimon
Real name: Richard Cabeza
Other projects: Dismember, Unanimated
Position in band: Dismember, Murder Squad, Damnation, Unanimated, Born Of Fire, Carbonized, General Surgery, Dark Funeral
Information: Played session bass.
S.S. (also known as: Sverd)
Real name: Steinar Sverd Johnsen
Position in band: Synths and Grand Piano
Other projects: Arcturus, Mortem, Ulver, The Kovenant
Information: Played synths and grand piano on "The Shadowthrone" album.
Sanrabb (also known as: Sanrabb Aske)
Real name: Morten
Position in band: Guitars
Other projetcs: 122 Stab Wounds, Cobolt 60, Forlorn, Blood Red Throne, Forlorn, Gehenna, Haggis
Information: Played session guitars during Satyricon Tour 1999.
Snorre (also known as: S.W. Krupp, Blackthorn)
Real name: Snorre W. Ruch
Position in band: Guitars
Other projects: Mayhem, Thorns
Information: Performed riff contribution on "Havoc Vulture", guitar contribution on "A Moment Of Clarity", "Filthgrinder" and "The Scorn Torrent" ("Rebel Extravaganza").
Svartalv (also known as: Destroyer)
Real name: Kenneth
Position in band: Bass
Other projects: Aiwas, Aeternus, Gehenna, Nocturnal Breed, Carpe Tenebrum
Information: Played session bass.
Tchort
Real name: Terje Vik Schei
Position in band: Guitars
Other projects: Blood Red Throne, Carpathian Forest, Einherjer, Emperor, Green Carnation, Saducismus Triumphatus, Servants Of The Realm, Valgalder
Information: Played guitars for almost 3 years (1997-1999).
Torden
Real name: Tove
Position in band: Keyboards
Information: She was a session keyboardist in 1993.
Tyr
Real name: Jon Erik Torgersen
Position in band: Bass
Other projects: Emperor, Cyclone, Borknagar, Grail, Morpheus Web, Perished, Vintersorg, Decode
Information: Played session bass.
SATYRICON BIOGRAPHY
As is true for all musical genres, Black Metal has its share of clichés. Enter stage left: the devil himself, hailed by cacophonous guitar riffs, swathed in pompous keyboard orchestrations, a grotesque pandemonium of noise and blasphemous imagery, worshipped by hordes of black-clad youths trying their hardest to be different.
The theatrical horror of many Black Metal bands is easy to ridicule, but behind these superficial impressions lies something deeply disturbing, a menacing presence perfectly evoked by Norway's Satyricon on their aptly titled last album "Volcano". Never a band to reiterate the obvious, the Oslo-based two-piece of Frost (drums) and Satyr (vocals, all other instruments) has made a remarkable career out of shaping the true core of one of the most uncompromising and extreme genres in musical history. Their aim has always been to explore the musical logic behind the darkest emotions, to add a defined aural structure to the metaphysical darkness of human existence. The tools they use are far from extraordinary - great musicianship, an analytical mind that doesn't shy away from discarding the old stylistic formulas and the declared will to make each work they release special in its own way. The results stand out as landmarks of extreme metal music: the early works "Dark Medieval Times" (1993) and "The Shadowthrone" (1994) that helped create the myth of Norwegian Black Metal, the immensely successful "Nemesis Divina" (1996), "Rebel Extravaganza" (1999) and the unstoppable force of nature that is "Volcano" (2002).
Now one of the finest bands in Black Metal's history returns with an ambitious new album. And if they shout "Now, Diabolical", they mean it! Inspired by the occult traditions of our cultural history, especially the strict symbolic systems devised by secret lodges and societies, Satyricon have created eight songs that radically break with many often-told truths about metal music. Basically the whole album is based on a set of strong musical themes. These form the core of every piece, and every single one elected to go on the album had to be able to carry a song on its shoulders. Everything else was built to relate to these themes, instead of the usual formula popular among metal musicians of putting together different riffs - until there's enough for a song. Each song on "Now, Diabolical" has a defined tempo and leaves a singular impression. In contrast to their previous works there's no elaborate narrative thread to the music, it comes straight to the point: direct, hard-hitting, without hesitation. "Now, Diabolical" is Black Metal in its purest form - just guitars, drums and bass with the occasional and very efficient appearance of horns that emphasize the dramatic force of the songs.
The remarkable thing about this album is that the artistic restrictions Satyricon set for themselves seem very similar to those that apply to rock music - a catchy hookline, clock set to a certain number of beats per minute... You get the picture. The result is surprising: Never so far has Black Metal shown such force. The framework the band worked in imposed a new precision and compactness to their music that immediately stimulates the dark emotional center of the brain: It wakes the beast inside, if you will, and as an antithesis to the Holy Grail of rock music this is truly diabolical.
Produced by Satyr himself, "Now, Diabolical" was recorded in various studios throughout Norway and in the famous Warehouse Studio in Vancouver, Canada. "Now, Diabolical" opens a new chapter not only in Satyricon's history, but in that of metal itself. A highly unusual album that should change the way Black Metal is perceived. Exit stage right: the devil in his carnevalesque attire, the next act is devoted to the grim darkness that lives within every human being, that doesn't listen to any name, but makes its presence felt through music like the one found on this masterpiece.
znan da je na engleskon, nie mi se dalo prevodit.
al obecajen-sljedeci je na hr
inspirirano jednin katinin ranijin poston
Heavy Metal Najviše Slušaju Najpametnija Djeca
Anketa koja je provedena u Velikoj Britaniji, obuhvatila je više od 1000 najpametnijih članova Nacionalne akademije za talentirane i nadarene mlade, te pokazala vrlo zanimljive zaključke, i pritom na neki način smanjila brige roditeljima čija su djeca fanatični obožavatelji heavy metal bendova, poput Iron Madiena, AC/DC-a i sličnih glazbenih sastava.
Istraživanja su opovrgnula dosadašnje stavove, da se ova vrsta glazbe povezuje samo uz delikvenciju i manjak akademske naobrazbe.
Naime, dokazano je da mnogo adolescenata koja su iznimno bistra, slušaju upravo ovu vrstu glazbe koja im pomaže da se snađu u stresnim situacijama.
Stuart Cadwallader, psiholog sa sveučilišta u Velikoj Britaniji, svoja najnovija istraživanja predstavio je nedavno na konferenciji u New Yorku.
Između ostalog je izjavio, "Postoji percepcija javnosti da nadareni i talentirani studenti slušaju kalasičnu glazbu i provode mnogo vremena čitajući. A, s druge strane, postoji percepcija da heavy metal glazbu slušaju delikventi. Mi smo sa svojim istraživanjem uspjeli dokazati da to su to samo stereotipi."
Proučavali su grupu sa prosječnom razinom samopoštovanja, koja ima problematične odnose sa obitelji i prijateljima, te dokazali da upravo hevy metal pomaže mladima da se oslobode stresnog života.
Sudionici su priznali da postoji složenost takve glazbe, koja često ima i političke teme za razliku od primjerice pop glazbe, no mladi ističu da ih ta glazba oslobađa stresa i da ih upravo ti "agresivni" tonovi potiču da istjeraju svu negativnu energiju iz sebe.
sta ne slusate metal( il neku drugu alternativnu vrstu muzike) a ovo citate, iman samo jednu ric za vas- DI STE SAD?
evo bijah na nekon testu da koji san metalac, pa mi ispalo ovo:
You scored as Black Metalist.
You love black metal the most, you like to study a lot about paganism, atheistsm and satanism, you are intelligent and know that devil worship is gay, you are also intelligent in making your own point of views especially in religion and politics.
Black Metalist
50%
Funeral Doom Metalist
45%
Death Metalist
43%
Power Metalist
43%
Heavy Metal/Old School
42%
Progressive Metalist
38%
Thrash Metalist
38%
Non-Metal
28%
lol dakle najvise black.a ja black ne slusan
al vazno da pise onaj dio ˝intelligent˝.al dobro evo jedan spotic kojeg volim:
i to ti ga je to
pozzzzzzzzzz
žak
daleko najjaci vicevi o pojavi zvanoj zak
Jacques je samo jedan. Za drugog jednostavno nema mjesta.
Jacques je neporažen u klackanju.
Jacques ne može napraviti male koncerte.
Kad sam bio mali mama me plašila Jacquesom.
Jacques se ovih dana "bacio" na snimanje novog albuma. Nitko nije preživio.
Godišnji državni proračun nije dovoljan za Jacquesovu liposukciju.
Jacques ne voli šetati po livadama, naime klaustrofobičan je.
Kad Jacques stane na vagu ona izbaci poruku: "to be continued".
Sliku Jacquesa možete vidjeti u časopisu na str. 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 i 9.
Jacques je potpisao milijunski ugovor s T-comom, jedini uvjet je da se preimenuje u T-Jacques!
Kad Jacques nosi žutu kabanicu, ljudi trče za njim i viču "TAXI!!
Jacques prvo napuni kadu, pa pusti vodu.
Jacquesa i Chuck Norris mora dva puta udariti.
Jacques nikad nije bio SAMO u Sloveniji.
Jacques koristi kombajn kao brijači aparat.
Sve je počelo sa: Sunča se Jaques Houdek na plaži...... Dođe Greenpeace i vrati ga u more.
Titanic je potonuo jer se zabio u Jacquesa dok se ovaj izležavao na vodi.
Jacques je privlačan samo gravitaciji.
Da je Jacques avion bio bi Jumbo Jet.
Jacques ima svoj poštanski broj.
Jacques se vidi na satelitu.
Jacquesu su krafne tic-tac.
Jacques mora izaći iz auta da bi promjenio radiostanicu.
Jacques igra biljar sa planetima.
Jacques stavlja majonezu na aspirin.
Kad Jacques stane na vagu, vidi svoj broj mobitela.
Jacques se ne šali kad kaže: "Tako sam gladan, da bi mogao pojesti vola".
Kad Jacques dođe u restoran, on pojede i kaže: "Hvala, dođite opet!"
Kad Jacques trči, CD player preskače. Na radiostanici.
Jacques se može uslikati fotoaparatom jedino ako se odabere opcija panoramskog snimanja
Jacques pitao prodavača cipela šta mu preporuča da mu bude komotno, a ovaj mu preporuči Slavoniju.
Oko Jacquesa se u orbiti vrte Vesna Kanižaj i Ivanka Boljkovac.
Jacques uvijek kupuje dvije karte za kino/kazalište. Jednom je dobio sjedala u različitim redovima.
Jacques je toliko debeo da ljudi đogiraju trčeći oko njega.
Kad Jacques ode u zoološki vrt, slonovi mu bacaju kikiriki.
Na audiciji za prvi dio Indiane Jonesa, Jacquesu je bila ponuđena uloga kotrljajuće kamene kugle.
Jacques je pao u Grand Canyon i zaglavio!!!
Ograničenje na liftovima je 6 osoba ili 1/6 Jacquesa.
Jacques mrzi liftove i liftovi mrze Jacquesa.
Jedinice za tlak su Pascal [Pa] i Jacques[Ja]. Jedan Jacques ima 10^5 Pascala.
Kad Jacques ide na plažu, životinje se penju na brdo.
Jacques ne može biti u bestežinskom stanju.
2. Arhimedov zakon: Jacquesovo tijelo uronjeno u tekućinu neće izgubiti na težini.
3. Arhimedov zakon: Jacquesovo tijelo uronjeno u tekućinu uvijek će istisnuti svu tekućinu.
Gdje Jacques uđe, sve ostalo mora izaći. Znači, na jednom mjestu može postojati samo Jacques.
Savršeno tijelo u Prirodi je kugla. Jacques teži ka savršenstvu.
Jučer je Jacques izašao iz kuće. Na svu sreću samo na kratko, pomrčina je trajala svega par minuta...
Kad Jacques ide na ljetovanje, ne plaća boravišnu taksu. On vadi građevinsku dozvolu.
Kad je ugledao Jacquesa, Kapetan Kirk je rekao: Where No One Has gone Before.
Kada konobar donese Jacquesu meni, on kaže "Može"!
Dođe Jacques na nogometnu utakmicu i sjedne na sve 4 tribine.
Jacques nikad ne prelazi cestu, on je uvijek na obje strane.
Jacques neće stat na forum... treba napraviti internet 2.0.
Jacques bi mogao biti osmi kontinent.
Jacquesov remen je jednak ekvatoru.
Kulen je za Jacquesa mini hrenovka.
Zbog Jacquesa se grade posebni tuneli.
Kad se Jacques kupa u Čatežu, Sloveniju potopi veliki tsunami!
Jacques i Gulliver su najbolji prijatelji.
Da si obuče remen Jacques je morao naučiti bacati bumerang.
Jacques je jedina osoba koju možete pronaći preko GPS-a.
Pitate se gdje je sada Jacques? Pokrenite "Google Earth".
Zašto Jacques nema kuću u Sloveniji? Zbog premale okućnice.
Kad Jacques obuće žutu kabanicu i dođe pred osnovnu školu djeca misle da je to školski bus.
Kad žena legne na Jacquesa, triput se okrene i još je uvijek na njemu.
Jacques ima na svakoj ruci jedan sat jer pokriva dvije vremenske zone.
Svaki krojač odjeće odbija Jacquesa sa: "Ne krojimo zastore".
Jacquesu treba iznajmiti nogometno igralište da si ispegla gaće.
Nosivost Masleničkog mosta je 0.3 Jacquesa.
Kad se raspala Jugoslavija Jacques je dobio 5 državljanstava.
Jacquesa moraš povaljat u brašno da bi našao gdje je vlažan.
Jacques ima svoj sunčev sustav.
Hrvatska ne uvozi previše dobara jer je proizvodnja mala, već je Jacquesova potrošnja velika.
Jacques može omotati Kineski zid oko sebe.
Jacques je dobio novi posao u kinu... služi kao platno.
Airbus A380 je napravljen da bi se i Jacques mogao voziti avionom.
Jacquesova krvna grupa je majonez-A.
Svi ljudi na planeti su u svakom trenutku bez obzira na lokaciju pokraj Jacquesa.
Svaka Jacquesova nužda je velika.
Jacquesa su prije deset godina upucali u srce, živ je jer metak još putuje kroz salo.
Jacquesov pupak je najdublja tocka na zemlji.
Kada Jacques pluta oceanom, Španjolska ga proglasi svojim novim otokom.
Kada Jacquesa udari kamion, on pita: "Tko je bacio kamen?"
Jacquesa su pri krštenju morali poljevati kanaderom!
Jacques je uistinu veliki čovjek.
Jacques has eaten the infinity. Twice.
Koja bajka traje najkraće? Jacques i tri praščića.
Jacques je teška osoba.
Jacques ima veliko srce.
Za Jacquesa ništa nije preveliki zalogaj.
Žakova najveća životna želja je da se negdje prošverca.
Jacques je velika faca.
Jacques se nema gdje izgubiti.
Predsjednik Mesić je primio Jacquesa u svom uredu. Bio je to najmasovniji posjet ikada.
Jacques je osoba široke ruke.
Jacques je stvarno širokogrudna osoba.
Jacques se vodi kao nekretnina.
Jacques ima dva kabrioleta. Obožava rolanje.
Jacques je na kivi dijeti. Jede sve osim kivija.
Jacquesa vicevi jednostavno ne mogu zaobići.
eto to je to dok se ne sitin necegh pametnije
